The Heart of a Hero
by mackenzie925
Summary: Clark is on the journey of his life, and along the way he discovers what he least expected. Chlark
1. Chapter 1

**Title: The Heart of a Hero**

**Pairing:** Clark/Chloe

**Rating: **PG-13

**Spoilers:** None, really.

**Category:** Romance, FutureFic, Drama

**Author's Note:** Just the beginning … read and enjoy.

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**Chapter 1: Scene 1**

**_July, 2055_**

Clark leaned over the bathroom sink dressed only in the jeans he forgot to wash the night before. His hands were flat on the counter top while his strong, outstretched arms held some of his weight and kept his balance steady. Water dripped from the faucet to the sink in a rather rhythmic melody, the silence in the room taken by it's song. Rays from the early morning sun slipped through the small, blue curtained window just above the tub, and painted a yellow square on the tile floor next to his feet. His eyes stared down into the deep sink below him, drawn there by the patterns the droplets of water created against the porcelain canvas.

Seconds passed, and Clark was a bit hesitant to move. An apprehension brought on only when he anticipated the heartache the forthcoming day might bring. But with a solemn sigh, he finally let his eyes drift to the mirror just above the sink. The light on the mirror was bright and accentuated his distinct features in a gentle glow. He turned his head side to side, noting the lack of age in his face. At least, not the age expected in the face of a sixty-eight year old man. He recently acquired a few wrinkles just below his eyes, and a few around the corners of his mouth. Yesterday, he finally noticed a new glint of gray buried in the otherwise black, wavy locks of his hair. However, at a glance, he still looked thirty-something rather than the sixty-something that he actually was. The clear by-product of living a Kryptonian life on earth.

Yet in that youthful reflection before him, Clark suddenly saw the man he grew into. The sum of his life could be seen in the depths of his eyes, the few lines in his features a reminder of the many choices he has made. His heart surged with wonderment as he pondered upon the path he has traveled, and upon the life he has lived in servitude and heroism for the race he cares for so deeply. And he thought further about those he has loved, and the many who have loved him in return. He thought of the family he raised in the very house he still stood in now, and the wife and mother of his children he spent forty years loving more each day.

As each memory passed through his mind, one after the next, the importance of this day quickly submerged Clark's apprehension in a bath of certainty. Because with those memories came the never forgotten, lingering promise in his heart. The very promise that gave him strength, that gave him life. And he knew everything he has done, the life he has lived, only led up to this point, to this moment, to this day. To the end that waited for him all along.

So with another deep breath, Clark shut the light off in the bathroom and walked into the hallway. He fell into the routine of a normal morning as he moved into the kitchen and made a quick breakfast. After filling up with eggs and toast, Clark walked to his bedroom a few doors down from the bathroom to dress. It took only a few seconds to settle on a red T-shirt, a washed pair of jeans, and his new sneakers. The casual dress was only a temporary fixture to help him travel in comfort rather than under the frustrating distress of formal attire. The formal attire would come later, when he arrived safely at his destination.

With that done, Clark walked to his half packed suitcase that still sat leisurely on the oak trunk at the end of the king sized bed. He furrowed his brow in concentration as he studied the items he packed last night, noting the many personal belongings that were still missing. Over the next few minutes, he sped around the room to gather everything else he would need for his trip, which included mostly extra clothes and last minute toiletries. Once he was satisfied with everything inside, Clark smiled and closed the suitcase, then zipped it tight around the front.

Clark walked to the nightstand to pick up his glasses and put them on to protect his identity, sensing he finally had everything he needed to leave.

Everything ...

Everything … _except for one._

The breath in his lungs tensed when he thought of the object that sat alone on the dresser across the room. Clark set it there the night before to ensure he wouldn't leave without it. But truly, would he ever forget that it existed? Never. It's power was much too strong, it's meaning much too significant to let escape from his soul so carelessly. It led him with love this long, and he knew it would guide him to the imminent end.

Carefully, Clark crossed the room to the dresser and grabbed the object in his hand, drawn to it, enraptured by it once again. Overcome by it like never before. And with a small sigh, he turned, grabbed his suitcase, and walked out into the small hallway.

The hallway led to the kitchen, which led to the living room, which led to the door to the outside, to his destiny. It was here he would begin, and it was here he would depart. Distantly, Clark remembered the local weatherman forecasting rain in the late morning, which urged him to grab his coat and slip it across his shoulders. Immediately, he dropped the small object in his hand in the right, front pocket of his jacket, certain it would be safe until the end. Certain he would need it close as he traveled.

Then with one long, lasting breath, Clark picked up his suitcase and gripped the knob, opened the front door, and stepped out into the sunlight. His steps quietly clipped on the sidewalk as he walked to his car, his skin brushed with warmth from the mid summer heat with each second, and his heart dipped completely in the thick fog of the past he never let go.

Finally, it was time.

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**_more to come ... _**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Here's the next section. Please notice the dates of each section. I will be flipping from the past to the future constantly, and I display the date every time I make that change.

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**Chapter 1: Scene 2**

_**July, 2015**_

A cab stopped abruptly at the curb just in front of The Daily Planet entrance, it's shiny, yellow exterior almost blinding underneath the rays of the early morning sun. The back door opened with a small creak, and two black, shiny shoes stepped out onto the sidewalk. They clipped against the concrete as the passenger closed the door roughly, and then stepped up to the driver's side window. The passenger reached in the back pocket of his gray slacks, fishing for his wallet. It took only a second to shift through his money to find the faire and tip, and he folded the bills in the center before handing them to the driver. The cab driver smiled as he took his fee, then shot away into the traffic, disappearing quickly in the sea of cars, trucks, and other yellow cabs hurrying to their morning destinations.

The huge _Daily Planet_ signature globe hung proudly above the entrance of the building and loomed over everything within a fifty-yard radius. Any other person might be driven to shock and surrealism with such a daunting sight, but for Clark Kent, the passenger of the cab, the goose bumps faded months ago. Yet he still felt a little surge of excitement when he turned to look at it, as if still in doubt that he was actually a reporter for such a prestigious newspaper. What was the saying? The_ Daily Planet_ was the home of kings, presidents, celebrities, and superheroes? Clark smiled at the latter, sensing his recent fame as Superman was in direct correlation to the _Daily Planet's_ constant reports of his good deeds.

However, what made the experience even more fulfilling was his partnership with Lois Lane, noted as one of the best reporters in the world of journalism. Clark was surprised by her choice of a career when he considered her dislike of the profession when they were younger in Smallville.

But, well ... a lot of things changed. Most importantly, his contempt for Lois. Oddly, he no longer felt the sting of disgust when he thought of her. Recently, he sensed a distant pang of attraction for the woman he once despised. An attraction that scared him. An attraction that probably arose from not only his close, working relationship with her, but also from the numerous times he has saved her life as Superman. Though her eyes carried a sense of loyalty, genuine care, and friendship for him when he was Clark Kent, Lois' eyes burned with desire and love when she stared at the super hero. Two distinct personalities, Clark Kent and Superman, that were both hidden from the other, yet one in the same.

But it was a clear indication, however, that Lois did not know who he really was, and Clark wondered if she ever would. Wondered, further, if that meant any attraction he felt was futile because he could never tell her the truth.

_At least not any time soon. At least not until she saw the real man behind the mask, _he thought, realistically

Regardless, Clark could not fight those feelings and kept hope alive that something might happen between the two of them. In the meantime, he would continue to deal with his loneliness as best he could. He often pondered upon such a concept - a lonely Superman. Did anyone ever know? Or, further, did anyone ever realize how much the fame actually scares The Man of Steel?

A deep sigh escaped his lips as Clark stepped to the front door and pushed it open lightly. Once inside, he said hello to the elder security officer behind the desk who greeted him every morning with a small, exhausted smile. The elevator was just ahead, and Clark walked swiftly through the busy lobby to reach it before the doors closed. Luckily, a young woman saw his quickening approach and held the doors open to give him entry before it was too late.

Clark thanked the woman with a smile and adjusted his glasses on his nose; instantly realizing they were close to slipping off of his face from his small run. The woman winked at him, and Clark's expression changed immediately from gracious to uneasy. It was not a secret that many women in the _Daily Planet_ thought Clark to be attractive, and they never hesitated to tell him so - one way or another. Sometimes they would only hint to him with difficult to read non- communication tactics, such as a wink or an affectionate smile. Sometimes they were a little more blunt, telling him flat out how often they wanted to rip off his suit and tie and unleash the animal within.

Just the thought caused Clark's heart rate to rise just a bit, especially under the intense gaze of the young woman in the elevator with him right now.

Actually, Clark remembered another, similar moment a woman flirted with him while Lois stood next to him. It was another elevator, but this time they were in the LuthorCorp building traveling up to Lex Luthor's office for an interview. He remembered standing at the very back next to Lois, both leaning against the wall of the elevator as they prepared to take the long journey up to the top. A woman stood in front of them - a rather attractive woman. And when she turned around casually to look at them, she immediately noticed who they were - something Clark caught by the pleased expression on her face. Of course, '_Lane and Kent_' was a popular team for the Planet.

Yet her attention was completely on Clark, and she winked, smiled, and stared at him with a hint of lust in the whites of her beautiful, blue eyes.

Lois seemed to see this little exchange of heated pleasantry, and without a thought, laced her arm through Clark's protectively. With a mischievous smile, she looked to Clark with a grin and commented, "Your place or mine tonight?"

Clark felt his stomach do flip-flops with the question, taken aback by Lois' boldness and apparent jealously. But the damage had been done, and before he could say anything to the woman, she turned and folded her arms in frustration. Lois smiled in triumph and tugged him closer, eager to keep the charade up until the woman left.

When the young woman finally did get off at the next floor, Clark felt the need to inquire upon Lois' actions. "What was that about?"

Lois looked to him and shrugged innocently. "What? I meant where do you want to go over the Luthor interview when we get back? Your desk or mine?" A small smile crossed her lips, and Clark couldn't help but smile and shake his head. He decided against accusing Lois of being jealous, figuring the last place he wanted to be was on her _list. No one wanted to be there_, Clark mused with a small smile.

Despite such pleasant memories, and despite the hidden feelings he had for Lois, Clark sensed his destiny went far beyond a life in Metropolis. Far beyond Superman, and far beyond Lois Lane, especially when he considered how much she didn't know about him.

His destiny ...

His destiny was somewhere else ...with _someone_ else ...

He could _feel_ it.

Momentarily, Clark found comfort when the elevator doors finally opened to the newsroom floor of the_ Daily Planet_. He stepped out and onto the top landing, and stopped just at the railing to give the newsroom below an appraising look of appreciation. Many reporters and other workers had already arrived this morning, quickly attending to the early morning tasks. He smiled before walking immediately to the right to the small kitchenette with fresh coffee and donuts. Though he ate breakfast this morning, Clark always needed the jelly filled donut and coffee with cream and sugar to start his day.

Just as he approached the coffee maker and grabbed a fresh mug beside it - _his_ mug, actually, which he labeled CK across the side - a familiar person came up beside him.

"I can't believe you can eat like that every morning," Lois commented dryly, with her own mug in hand that read _Take And Die _all across the front.

Clark shrugged and asked curiously, "What do mean?"

Lois took the coffee pot out of his hand and poured herself a fresh cup. "I mean ... look at you, Clark. You look like you've just stepped out of the cover of a romance novel, and you eat junk. I could never do that because it would go straight to the hips."

Clark perched his eyebrows a little as Lois took a sip of her hot coffee. "Are you saying I'm attractive?"

Lois forced her sip down quickly and insisted in the next breath, "No, no, I didn't mean that. I just meant that … there are some girls out there who apparently like the nerd slash muscle farm boy mix. I just wonder how you can pack the calories you do and still look ... you know," she paused slightly, then whispered, " ... good."

Clark smiled and shrugged, happy he caught Lois off guard a little. Their banter was always refreshing. "I don't know, Lois ... I just do," he admitted with a little grin. "Maybe it has to do with my farming roots or something."

"Maybe," Lois repeated with a small smile. "If that were true, I have to admit, I have no idea what your parents fed you. Because for a while I did eat the same meals and I obviously look nothing like a super model, " she added skeptically, descending the ramp and taking another sip of her coffee.

A small blush crept to Clark's cheeks as he watched her walk quickly ahead of him, and whispered quietly to himself, "You'd be surprised, Lois." He sighed and looked to his coffee, taking a sip of his own. He then walked down the ramp, anxious to get the day going, knowing it would help him forget about sassy brunettes.

"C-K!" came a shout, urging Clark to look to his right as he stepped into the busy rumblings of the _Daily Planet_ newsroom floor.

He smiled when he noticed a young man rushing around the corner to greet him. "Morning, Jimmy."

Jimmy, young photographer and always-hopeful reporter, was a few years younger than Clark. He was slightly shorter, as well, with a young face and bright dreams for his future at the_ Daily Planet_. Actually, his desire to be apart of the _Planet_ almost matched the same intensity as a certain blonde from Clark's past. A certain blonde Clark suddenly realized he had not thought of in years. Not since college graduation anyway, which was four years ago.

Sudden, unexpected thoughts of Chloe Sullivan warmed his heart like hot chocolate on a cold, January day in Smallville. A smile crept across his lips in recollection of everything he did with her in the past. _So long ago ... _

"I called her last night," Jimmy replied proudly, his smile beaming.

Clark blinked away his past and turned his attention to his young friend. "Called ... " he began, thinking quickly for the name.

"Kate? You know, that awesome looking new girl in accounting who has been waiting for me her entire life?" Jimmy informed, a little irritated with Clark's loss of memory of such an important piece of information. "I can't believe you don't remember. I've been chasing after her since she graced the_ Daily Planet_ with her beauty months ago ... " he added, trailing off with a dreamy smile.

Clark rolled his eyes as he walked up to his desk that was only a few feet away from Lois Lane's. Lois was sitting at her own desk looking intently at a police report, already hard at work. However, by the time Clark and Jimmy came along next to her, her attention was clearly drawn to their conversation with genuine interest. Her eyebrow perched in curiosity.

"No, I remember," Clark insisted as he sat down. "So you asked her out?"

Though the question seemed easy and expected, Jimmy seemed taken aback, and any enthusiasm he once had deflated quickly under the pressure of such expectations. "Well, um ... " Jimmy stammered. "Not really."

"I thought you said you called her?" Clark asked, amused.

Jimmy shrugged and looked away. "Well, yeah, but ... you know, answering machines really aren't that friendly."

Lois tried to stifle her laugh the best she could, knowing Jimmy wouldn't appreciate the humor of the situation. Yet a small giggle did escape, causing Clark to turn to her with scrutiny. "Lois ... " he scolded lightly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, though the amusement did not leave her beautiful features.

"What?" Clark asked, wanting to hear her interpretation of the situation.

Lois put her hands up. "Seriously, you're right, it's not funny." The pause was heavy in the air as Clark and Jimmy stared, waiting for her to explain herself a bit better than the quick apology to cover her obvious enjoyment of Jimmy's heartache.

"It's just," she added, the amusement transformed to genuine play of advice, "I think if a man really wants to go out with a woman, he should just swallow his pride and ask her. Stop trying to play games. And using the phone? There's an obvious escape route there ... you know, calling when you know she won't be there. If you want her that badly, go to her in person and ask. Don't hide behind fear. Trust me, a woman would much rather have the '_brave, willing to have his heart trampled on'_ guy to the '_weak, won't take the chance_' type."

Clark shook his head and covered his mouth, looking away from Lois so as not to anger her with his own amusement.

Jimmy's eyes, however, grew as he asked, "Does that work?"

"Sure," Lois insisted. "A woman loves it when a man is willing to fall on his sword."

At that, Clark huffed and looked back to her, eyes dancing with deep disappointment and contempt with her words. "I can't believe you're telling him that," he said irritably.

"You don't believe me?" Lois asked, the challenge in her voice slight but powerful. "Well, coming from a man who hasn't had a date since he came to Metropolis, I doubt you would understand anything about love in the big city."

"I guess not," Clark argued back. "So you're telling me there's no room for small town values under the big, neon lights of Metropolis?"

However, before Lois could shoot back a retort, Perry White stormed quickly out of his office across the room. "Kent, Lane!" he shouted, causing Clark, Lois, and Jimmy to stand and turn to their boss, the conversation topic lost to the insistence in his voice. "Some guy is about to jump off the Kelsey office building. Get over there right now!"

"Yes, sir," Clark said quickly. His mind whirled for only a second in anticipation, though he knew exactly what he had to do. And he knew exactly who he had to become.

Jimmy ran across the room to grab his camera, knowing every photograph he took that made it to the front page of the_ Daily Planet_ increased his chances of becoming a full fledged reporter. There was no way he was going to miss this.

At the same time, Lois bent down below her desk to grab her briefcase, which was full of everything she would need for any news story. It was a lesson she learned quickly - have everything, from a camera, to a notepad, to a tape recorder, for anything news worthy at any time in life. A lesson she learned from a very smart, blonde reporter who taught her everything about journalism.

Lois stood and said urgently, "Come on, Clark."

But when she turned to his desk, Clark was gone. Frantically, she looked to the elevator, and saw the doors closing ominously. Lois sighed heavily; fuming as she slung her briefcase across her shoulder and ran up the ramp. She pressed the elevator button just as Jimmy caught up with her from behind, and she cursed softly, "Every time, Kent. You never wait for your partner, do you? _Never_!"

Jimmy smirked. "I think you really angered him this time."

Lois just glared at him.

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_**more to come ... **_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so far for your reviews. The beginning does not contatin a lot of Chlark, but I promise it is coming. This is setup, and once the Chlark comes in, it'll come in droves. **

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**Chapter 1:  
Scene 3**

Clark fumbled to open his shirt as he ran quickly to a hidden alley just behind the_ Daily Planet_. It took him only a second to switch to his familiar super hero costume, adorned with the signature "S" on the front with blue, red, and yellow colors. He never liked costumes very much, but such precautions had to be taken when he could give no other forethought to performing many of his heroics in front of millions of people. It gave him the freedom he often needed in such times of distress, allowing him to do whatever was necessary to ensure he saved those in trouble. And really, it could be worse - he could be forced to wear some type of mask or something that would really be uncomfortable.

_Not that the whole red cap and blue tights wasn't uncomfortable enough_, Clark mused with a smile, jolting from the ground and up into the blue, Metropolis sky above.

Once in the air, Clark found the man easily when he saw the revolving lights from fire trucks and ambulances just down the street. Kicking it into high fear, he sped through the sky like a bullet to reach the building as quickly as possible, hoping he would have more than a few seconds to catch the man before it was too late. If luck was on his side today, he might be able to talk the man out of his suicidal attempt and perhaps forgo the entire rescue altogether.

Many people stood on the roof with the young man, who teetered gently on the edge while holding a briefcase tight to his chest. As Clark landed, he noticed the shock glances his way, sensing many had never seen him in person before. The name, _his_ name, _Superman _lingered through the air while his presence weighed heavily on the scene around him. When he entered such situations, he knew he was no longer Clark Kent, reporter, but rather Kal-El, alien from another planet; rescuer of those in need, savior to those in danger, and defender of moral values, such as truth and justice.

They were, above all, enormous roles to fill, and difficult expectations to meet. Both were two very good reasons as to why Clark often found himself in awe of his accomplishments, and truly humbled when so many people put so much on his shoulders. He never thought it would be like this - as he was given such god-like qualities, and the charge of representing everything that is good in this world. Everything that is worth fighting for.

Clark sighed deeply and drove those thoughts away, knowing perfectly well how often he cowered away in denial when he let the true weight of his insurmountable responsibilities settle in his heart. There was no way anyone could live up to what was expected of him.

Even worse ... Lois _had_ to come up with the name _Superman. _A name that has caught on in droves now, six months after he started appearing in Metropolis as the Man of Steel. _Another name many have given me_, Clark thought, regretfully. _If they only knew me ... how many bad things I've done in my life. All the pain I've caused._

"Superman!" came a shout from behind him, causing Clark to turn to see the Metropolis Fire Department Chief smiling at him. "Thank you for coming."

Clark nodded, then turned to step towards the young man that stood on the edge, clearly trembling. "What's your name?" he asked, the man's attention now drawn to him completely.

"Peter," he replied, his voice caught in the gentle breeze.

Clark stepped a little closer, and saw the tears in Peter's eyes. In a way, the show of emotion comforted him, because he sensed the true loss this man felt. Something terrible must have happened to him, Clark was sure of it. And he could see the reflection of Peter's broken heart on his face. "Peter?" he asked, smiling a little more widely. "I once knew someone else named Pete. He was a great guy, and I bet you are, too."

Peter turned away, hugged his briefcase closer. "No, I'm not. I'm a fool. I have never done anything right in my life. I've been so consumed by my job, by what my family wants me to be ... I feel so lost, so out of control."

Clark reached a hand out. "I understand your pain. If you come down ... we can talk about it some more."

Peter then turned quickly to him, his eyes burning with anger. "I don't think you do understand! I have nothing to live for anymore. Nothing. Please just ..." he began again, turning his attention to everyone on the roof. He flailed his arms widely and shouted, "Just leave me alone! Please! Let me be!"

"I can't do that, Peter. None of us here can," Clark explained, stepping closer still. "You think no one cares, but you have an entire city stopped in its tracks, wanting to help you. Please ... let us help."

Peter sighed deeply as he looked back to the edge, gazing down at the numerous fire trucks, ambulances, and people who stood in awe and anticipation. So many people, so many that he couldn't even see them all as they blended together in a rainbow of dots all along the ground below. He shook his head, his previous passion quickly losing power under the reality of his fears, of death. Perhaps a sign that there was still hope in him.

"Peter," Clark called, forcing his young friend to turn to him. "It's okay. Whatever might be bothering you - it can be conquered. We can get you the help you need."

Suddenly, anger burned in Pete's eyes again, the shift in his demeanor clear. "You mean ... professional help? Like a shrink?" he asked irritably.

Clark swallowed nervously and sensed he may have hit a button he didn't know existed. "Um, well ... "

"The last thing I need right now is some stranger listening to my problems. A stranger who doesn't even care," Pete shouted, gripping his briefcase closer than ever before. "What I need ... is to leave."

And then he was gone.

The world shifted into slow motion for Clark as he bolted through the air to follow the man down the side of the building. He only hoped he would have enough time to reach the bottom, realizing now that he probably should have just grabbed the man before he had the chance to hurt himself. Oddly, Clark felt it necessary to give Peter a chance to decide on his own whether he wanted to live or die. Perhaps as a way to give the young man a sense of freedom in a time where he felt so trapped. Despite his intentions, his tactic didn't work. And now, he only hoped his mistake would not be fatal.

The shocked shouts of the crowds below seemed deafening the closer Clark came to reaching the ground. He could already tell his speed seemed to pay off again, as he passed the falling Peter just in time to land below him. And just in time for Pete to fall right in his arms in the following second.

Clark let out a sigh of relief, just as the crowds yelped and shouted in appraisal of the rescue. Though fans often terrified him, Clark could not help but feel his heart warm a little under the applause. The people of Metropolis were getting used to him now, and no longer seemed to fear him as many did before.

However, Peter jumped out of his arms, the fury painted in red on his cheeks as he pointed to Superman. "Are you insane? I didn't want you to rescue me! Why did you do that? Don't you get it? I wanted to die. Just ... leave me alone, all of you!"

Exasperated, Peter tried to violently push through the crowds and run away. Yet police officers grabbed a hold of him before he could get too far, knowing now he may not only be a danger to himself, but to others, as well. He certainly needed an assessment before they could feel safe to release him again. And though Peter tried to escape their grasp as they pulled him towards the ambulances, his attempts were barely effective.

As the officers tried desperately to soothe him with comforting words, Peter's eyes found Clark's again as he struggled and shouted. "You stupid alien! Why don't you go home and leave us earthlings alone, huh? We don't want you here! You're a plague on this planet! You're a stranger! Leave us alone!"

Clark looked away as the police officers pushed him into the ambulance, his last cries quickly muffled when the doors slammed behind him. Though he knew it was best not to let such words affect him, Clark still felt a pang of guilt for even involving himself in such a situation. But even as he considered it might have been better for him to leave Peter to his own fate, he also knew that, as Superman, one of his many responsibilities was to give people second chances. Especially if those same people insist they don't want it.

_To be the rational thinker in times of distress ... to do for people now, when they need it the most, _Clark thought confidently.

Suddenly, frantic rumblings within the crowd broke through Clark's wayward thoughts. He looked behind him and saw a man talking to a few other people that surrounded him, telling them a story. Telling them a nightmare.

"Yeah, just a few minutes ago, this guy just walked right up to this mother and her child, mugged them. Then dragged the mother into an alley and raped her. Then he killed both the mother and the child and ran off," the man explained with disdain, the sadness in his tone clear and distinct.

Another woman asked, hopefully, "Did the police catch the guy?"

The man nodded. "Yeah, but ... it was too late."

Clark's heart dropped into his stomach, as the guilt weighed in on him like a million pounds of despair all across his shoulders. Instead of listening any further, he shot into the sky before anyone could stop him, before anyone saw him. Before anyone could blame him for not being where he should have been, for not being the hero he was meant to be.

For not saving those who needed him the most.

His guilt would be his own punishment and it forced Clark to fly to the very top of the earth. To the spot meant only for him. To the cold sanctuary only a few from his past knew of, specifically a distant Chloe Sullivan from long ago. Be he didn't come up here to be swallowed up in nostalgia, or to remember a life he left behind.

No, he came up here to scream at the top of his lungs, drenched completely in the agony of his grief for a mother and child he didn't save.

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_**more to come ... **_


	4. Chapter 4

** A/N: Here's the next section. Enjoy! Thanks everyone for your reviews! I appreciate them so much.   
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Chapter 1: Scene 4

The Metropolis nightlife carried with it the reputation of carelessness, foul play, danger, and criminal activity. Of course, all of that was present underneath the guise of music, booze, nightclubs, and sex. Clark often flew at night to catch those in the process of doing something evil while hidden under this usual protection, giving criminals a reason to stay at home rather than engage in illegal acts. Tonight, however, he decided against policing the streets, feeling the guilt from the day still lingering deep in his heart. Being heroic tonight, helping people just did not seem attractive right now.

Throughout the day, Clark walked with a deep sense of melancholy. Even Lois seemed worried for him, asking him often if he was okay. He merely explained watching the man try to commit suicide affected him more than he thought. Lois, though usually sarcastic with him even in times of pain, offered him a hug and comforting words. Making the effort to understand him, to make him feel better.

Yet he couldn't let go of the man's words, so harsh yet true – why did Clark end up here? Why did he feel it necessary to involve himself in other people's matters? People who didn't want him there?

The door to his apartment came up quickly, and Clark was inside in less than a minute. The entire space was covered in darkness as he walked through the living room and into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator door, the light from inside the fridge the only source of illumination as he searched for a drink. Though he decided on water a few seconds ago, the beer in front seemed most appealing - the most able to dull his pain. Clark quickly thanked his alien body for being able to drink as much alcohol as he wanted to and feel nothing of it's usual, disabling affects it often had on humans. So with a smirk, he took a bottle, popped it open with a snap, and took a drink.

Clark gripped the bottle tightly, shut the refrigerator door, and walked further through the darkness, deciding his super vision was enough light for tonight. Sitting in darkness could give him the solace he needed.

_Well, not really_, Clark corrected quietly.

For the first time since he became Superman, Clark discovered the true pain of not being able to save someone. Or further, the decisions he was forced to make every day he dawned the cape. Choosing between two situations, between people that needed his assistance was not a welcome additive to his heroic career. It was the last thing he wanted to do. Truthfully, how could anyone make that decision? How could anyone decide if one person was more important to save above another? How could his destiny expect him to deal with that type of conundrum again and again, and not feel guilty?

Clark sighed deeply as he walked to the couch in the living room and sat down. More than anything, he wanted someone to be here with him. He wanted to come home to someone who could hold him, tell him everything would be okay. Ensure him that these fears, these doubts he had were normal. Perhaps even ease the deep pain he felt, and listen to him rant about the pitfalls of being a super hero.

He longed for that person more than anything. Longed for what they would give him, for the love they would enrapture him in. Longed for the day he could lose himself in the beat of their heart, and be one with that person for evermore.

The reassurance that the perfect one ... the one that would take him as he was ... the one that would accept him ... would love him for everything he was and everything he would never be ...

_T__ake me completely ..._

But as he stared into the darkness, Clark wondered if that person truly existed. He couldn't call Lois and talk to her, despite how he felt. What would he say? _'Hey, guess what? I'm Superman. And I'm scared as hell that I will never be anything more than a joke.'_ The thought seemed immediately ludicrous, quickly convincing Clark that Lois might never be the answer he was constantly searching for.

Again Clark flirted with the idea that he might be alone for the rest of his life. And really, it made sense. There was a wide world belief that everyone on earth had their one soul mate, the one person they were meant to be with for the rest of their life. But did that apply to him, too? Someone who wasn't even from this world? Did his soul mate die on Krypton? Or was he meant to roam through the universe all by himself?

The thought quickly engulfed Clark's heart within its harsh reality, giving him reason to believe these dark nights would be a normal occurrence.

And suddenly, he felt extremely cold.

Clark quickly sat up and placed his bottle on the coffee table, feeling his emotions rising again with the same intensity from before. Feeling the need to release them before he burst. Feeling the need to let it all out before it consumed him completely.

But this time he didn't scream. He didn't scream for what he would never have, for the love he might never experience, for the soul mate he might never find, or for the mistakes he made today and would probably make again.

Instead, Clark dropped to the floor, placed his face in his hands ... and cried.

---------------------

_**end of chapter one **_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 2: Scene 1:**

July, 2055 

Clark sat quietly in his car in the middle of the full parking lot. His face was tucked in his hands as the images from his past loomed through his mind again. Images he almost let slip from him throughout the course of his life. The same images that urged him to continue on this journey, on this path that pulled him along by love alone. And as Clark lifted his eyes to look outside his windshield, a new strength surged through his veins. A strength brought on by everything he wanted to remember and everything he couldn't forget. The good and the bad would be mixed, but both were important in the end. Neither could come without the other - a truth he accepted long ago.

The sun took his darkness away a little as it stretched its rays into the car, and Clark was suddenly surrounded by the sounds of life as each nostalgic memory faded from him - one after the next. In the silence he heard the soft hum of the car engine. He turned to gaze out his driver's side window to see a small family unloading suitcases from their car. Both parents struggled to keep their children calm as the imminent new experience of travel drifted closer with every second. In the far distant he heard a loud _whoosh _that signaled the arrival of an airplane.

Clark sighed and opened his door, knowing if he stopped to dwell he would never make it to his destination. He stepped out and closed the door, and then opened the trunk to his sedan. There was only one bag inside, but that's all Clark needed for this trip. He was still a simple guy, despite his fame as reporter and super hero. Though only a few knew those roles resided in the same person.

The family a few parking spots down continued to struggle with their numerous bags and children. Clark felt a pang of sympathy for them as he grabbed his suitcase and shut his trunk. The car beeped as he locked it, then he began to walk towards them. Assisting people was a trait he would never get rid of, especially when he considered the many years he spent saving people's lives. He still did a little bit today, but mental fatigue had made it much more difficult for him.

Above all, Clark felt this trip would give him a chance to gain back everything he has lost due to his own family and the obligations that came with it. Not that he ever regretted the decision to marry or have children, but even Superman could not fight the feeling of exhaustion after doing so many things in life.

Clark forced a smile as he walked towards the family. The man had a kind face, kind eyes, but clearly overshadowed by the intense responsibility of being a father. There were two children, and both were small. The mother, who he now noticed was pregnant, held the one on her hip as it cried at the top of her lungs, while the other ran around the parents in a circle, flailing as if trying to fly.

The scene felt oddly familiar, and Clark could not help but laugh as he recalled a similar incident of his own. Children were never easy.

"Need some help?" he asked as he approached, bending down to catch the running child as it passed him.

The father shook his head as he juggled the suitcases in his grip. "No, but thank you. I think we can handle it."

But that was clearly not the case. Clark stood and looked to him, and saw the initial fear in the man's eyes. It was expected considering that Clark was a stranger to them. He might react the same way if he were in their position. Distantly, he sensed if swooped in wearing a red cape and tights they might not hesitate a bit to let him help.

And just as he was about to reassure him, the mother suddenly replied with a glint of excitement, "Wait a minute ... you're that reporter from the Planet ... ."

Clark smiled. "Yeah ... ".

"You're, um ... " she began again, searching her mind for the name. Then her eyes flashed a bright smile as she replied triumphantly, "Clark Kent! That's right. I knew I would remember you. I read your articles all the time."

Clark nodded sheepishly. Though he enjoyed the attention, he also felt it was unwarranted. As far as he was concerned, he just did what he had to do. Being a reporter was a heavy responsibility, one that required stepping into problems that no one else would. And without warning, Chloe's face flashed in his head at the thought - because God knows how many times she dragged him along on a dangerous case.

He smiled and felt his heart warm and tingle at the memory.

Clark then turned to them and asked them their names; Jim and Kate Larson. Kate, the mother, seemed especially impressed by his presence as she explained her devotion to The Daily Planet. Then further about how nice it was to have a newspaper unthreatened by the likes of criminals such as Lex Luthor. But then her face turned soft with concern. "Oh, and ... " she said, her tone dripped in sorrow, "I am so sorry about your wife. Such a tragic loss."

Clark swallowed hard. "Thanks," he whispered. Refusing to let the sadness overshadow him again, Clark bent down and picked up their son, lifting him high in the air. "You trying to cause trouble?" he asked him with a bright smile, making the child laugh.

The man shook his head, insisting, "It's okay, Mr. Kent. You don't have to help us."

"No, really," Clark said. "It's no trouble." He shifted the child in his arms, and carried his bag and one of their suitcases in his other hand. Just that help alone allowed the father to carry the rest of the bags with ease. Clark felt good about his role here, knowing it probably made the parents' day to have someone come and help.

The front doors to the airport were still some good distance away. Clark looked to the small child in his arms, who seemed perplexed by the sight of another airplane soaring in for a safe landing just past the huge airport ahead of them. Such amazement in the child's eyes caused Clark to think of his own children, of their mother, and of every joy that came with each memory.

Kate and Jim continued to make conversation with him as the automatic doors finally appeared ahead of them. They were kind people, and they reminded him why he saved so many people in his life. But despite how often he tried to respond to their questions and comments, Clark could not keep his mind from drifting to the past he kept in his soul, to his wife he lost only a few months ago, and the promises he made and would never forget. The memories quickly overcame his consciousness, blending into his current world to make it difficult to distinguish one from the other.

Distant images of _her, _the reason for his trip, invaded him now – many of which were so deep in the back of his mind that he had to dust them off to see them clearly again. Moments he almost forgot existed, but now pounded through his veins with a love deeper than any ocean, stronger than any super man, and more eternal than space itself.

And Clark knew the picture of her face, the image he buried in his heart and kept with him all the time, would not only haunt him, but also be his companion until the journey's end.


End file.
